The SingOff
by StormySkys
Summary: "Hey, thought you were dead, instead you're crazy! But you're my brother. So come home Loki!" Tony Stark witnesses something he would rather not have. Something musical.


**A/N:** I opened a word document this morning and this just kinda...happened.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Tony Stark, Thor, Loki, or 'Call Me Maybe'...but the later sort of owns me right now since I can't get it out of my head.

**Warning:** Pure crack.

**The Sing-Off, as tragically witnessed by Tony Stark**

Tony Stark had seen and heard some weird things in his life. A blond blur of a Norse god rushing in and stealing away their very dangerous prisoner was up there on the list, but it did not quite crack his top five...What he witnessed when he chased said blond blur and his psychotic cargo filled up all five spots.

He was just about to swoop in and show the flying L'Oreal model what he thought of his villain-snatching when he hears something...Music. Completely unfitting, upbeat, music. That in itself was worthy of a number three or four spot. And then blondie started singing.

"_We thought you'd gone to see Hel?"_

That was worthy of at least a number 2 on his weird things list. And then the flippy-haired bad guy started filling in the rhymes.

- "_Don't ask me, I'll never tell."_

That was his new number 1.

"_I looked at you as you fell,"_

- "_And now you're in my way."_

"_You'd trade soul your all this?"_

- "_To rule the world's what I wish."_

"_Just give up all this madness."_

- "_But now you're in my way."_

The blond one struck a pose and seemed to get really into the song as the bridge and chorus hit. Tony wondered if maybe he should resume his earlier plan and put a stop to...whatever it was that was happening. Blondie seemed to really be feeling it though and Tony was not sure he wanted to know what happened to people who interrupted gods while they were getting their groove on.

"_Your stare was holdin', defeated, cape was blowin'_

_That night, you let go and_

_Where did you go then, Loki?_

_Hey, thought you were dead_

_Instead you're crazy_

_But you're my brother_

_So come home Loki!_

_It really sounds like_

_You've gotten nasty_

_But you're my brother_

_So come home Loki!_

_Hey, thought you were dead_

_Instead you're crazy_

_But you're my brother_

_So come home Loki!_

_And all these midgard boys_

_They'll want to kill thee_

_But you're my brother_

_So come home Loki!"_

Oddly catchy chorus completed! Tony swooped in and did what he'd been originally planning to do. Later, when the flippy haired bad guy was restrained and they were all talking about what his plan could be, Tony turned to Thor and asked him about what he'd seen and heard. "So, back at the cliff...what was that all about?"

"He is my brother."

"Not the family drama, the singing."

"The what?"

"...nevermind."

Tony really wanted to believe that he had been imagining things, so he did not bring it up again. Life went on, things got worse, an alien army invaded New York through a hole in the sky. Tony had just about forgotten the musical incident – there were more important things to be thinking of, after all. He thought his team, the Avengers (he had a feeling the others wouldn't like the name 'Team Stark' as much as he did), were doing a pretty good job of defending the city given that there were only six of them against an obnoxious number of extraterrestrials. Since when did mythological deities hang out with aliens, anyways? Seemed like an odd combo.

In any case, defending the city was going better than one might expect, but that did not mean it was going well. Tony had decided to fly up to his tower and try to help Thor out with his sadistic little brother, but as he got closer...

- "_On knees these mortals will fall."_

"_You're not fit to rule at all."_

- "_My army will conquer all."_

"_We will stand in your way."_

- "_I've had to murder and steal."_

"_The green one's wrath you will feel."_

- "_I don't believe I will feel it."_

"_We're still in your way."_

- "_Your stare was holdin', sad eyes, hair was blowin'_

_ - You said to come home and_

_ - Why'd you think I'd do that, baby?"_

There was a weird sound like a record scratching.

"Um, 'baby'?"

"Your name does not fit the meter as well as mine. So unless you would like to be called 'Thor-y'...?"

"Baby is fine. Continue, brother."

- "_Thor, you're a moron_

_ - And I'm not crazy_

_ - I'm not your brother_

_ - Now buzz off, maybe_

_ - I don't care what's right_

_ - It's all so hazy_

_ - I'm not your brother_

_ - Now buzz off, maybe_

_ - Thor, you're a moron_

_ - And I'm not crazy_

_ - I'm not your brother_

_ - Now buzz off, maybe_

_ - And all these midgard boys_

_ - Might want to kill me_

_ - But I'm not your brother_

_ - Now buzz off, maybe."_

Loki smirked through his solo. He at least seemed to understand that what they were doing was ridiculous, although that did not stop him from doing it. Thor, on the other hand, was taking the song-battle much more seriously and looked like a big kicked puppy by the end of his brother's chorus.

"_But since you've been out of my life_

_I've missed you so bad_

_I've missed you so bad_

_I've missed you so so bad."_

That was actually sort of sad. Tony did not personally get it – Loki seemed like he'd be a terror of a younger sibling – but it was sort of sad for Thor. Especially since Loki just didn't seem to give a shit...and now Tony was following the Norse soap opera, apparently. Great.

- "_Thor, just get out of my life_

_ - I hate you so bad_

_ - And you should know that_

_ - I hate you so so bad."_

There was a musical break after that, and Tony wondered if maybe he should take the chance to step in. They were just sort of staring at each other, and the music was getting softer, so maybe it was ending? And this seemed like a pretty good distraction. It would not be hard to take out Loki now while he and Thor were just...walking towards each other? Tony had a moment of dread where he thought something incest-y was about to happen. Thor reached towards Loki, and Tony was relieved when he just clasped the back of his brother's neck and kept on singing.

"_It's hard to look right_

_At you lately_

_But you're my brother_

_So come home Loki!"_

Ok. That was enough of that for now. Tony flew off to see if anyone else needed him.

Later that day, due to a most brave and daring near-sacrifice by Tony himself (which he planned on being very humble about, he was just that great), they won. As Thor had eerily predicted in his lyrics, it was the Hulk who took out Loki and he was still laying in a pile of rubble at the top of Stark Tower when they went to collect him. When he woke up they were all standing over him and he made a quip about wanting a drink. Heh. Thor walked over to his brother, leaned down...and smiled far too cheerfully.

"_Hey, we just beat you_

_You're still so crazy_

_You've got no choice now_

_Let's go home Loki."_

So weird. At least there were more witnesses this time though. Tony looked around to his other teammates, hoping to share a look of bewilderment with someone...but no one else had reacted at all. Tony did not say anything. Loki was restrained, the Avengers congratulated each other and went out for shwarma, Tony decided to focus on the victory rather than one rather insignificant string of musical oddities.

But then they were seeing Thor off, and he was leading the bound and gagged Loki away, and...how was no one else hearing this?

"_And all these gags and chains_

_Are to restrain thee_

_Don't give me that look_

_Just come home Loki_

_And now you're back into my life_

_But you've been so bad_

_You have been so bad_

_You have been so so bad_

_And mom and dad are gonna flip_

_They will be so mad_

_And you should know that_

_Let's go home Loki."_

And then they were gone. Tony wouldn't mind seeing Thor again someday, but mostly he was just glad all the weirdly cheerful singing was done with. And the alien invasion, of course.

Bonus Scene:

"_On knees these mortals will fall."_

"_You're not fit to rule at all."_

"_You are all going to die."_

"That doesn't rhyme."

"I DO WHAT I WANT!"

**A/N:** I regret nothing.


End file.
